Monday, May 21, 2012

Thoughts for the taking...

Lately the thought of a tiny little boy on an operating table has come to my mind. I think about how little he'll look on a table that is probably 10x his size with wires and tubes and beeping noises... I try not to let it stay long. It worries me. Although I know it's a procedure the surgeon has done a million times I'm sure. But the fact that it's MY baby on that table doesn't help. Next week I'll have to hand my son over to the surgeon I have only met twice. It's a weird feeling to trust someone like that so much with something so precious. I'm his mom, I'm the one who takes care of him not a... stranger. But for 2 seemingly short hours he'll be in the hands of someone else...

Last Thursday was our last appointment with Dr. Glick, the orthodontist. I was kinda sad yet happy at the same time. She has been wonderful! If only all his doctors and nurses could be like her I wouldn't worry as much! Her whole staff has been super friendly and caring. Most of them came to say goodbye to Hudson yesterday in our little room. It was sweet. They all wished us good luck and said we have to come back and visit. That's why I was sad, I'll miss them. But happy that there is only 2 more weeks left of the NAM and taping!

While I was in the waiting room that day the front desk called me up for the copay and I left Hudson in his car seat next to the chair I was sitting in. It's a pretty big waiting room and there was a few other patients in there. I heard him start fussing while I was waiting for the lady to finish with my card. I looked back at him to see his feet kicking, which he does when he's angry. That's when I know his pacifier falls out when we are in the car. I hear the rustle of his feet sliding on his seat. It gets faster and faster and then it's followed by a yell. And that's when I have to reach back, dig for his pacifier and find his mouth to put it back it. He must think it's a game because it happens quite a bit...

Well she had entered the wrong amount and had to cancel it and redo it. While I waited I went back to Hudson to give him his pacifier and then back up to the front desk to sign the receipts. I could hear him again and so I looked back to see a girl probably around 14-16 years old rocking his car seat. So I smile at her when she looked at me to let her know it was ok. I could tell by her smile she had had a cleft lip as well. I finished up at the front and came back and told her thanks. I thought it was such a sweet thing to do! I like the feeling of sitting in that waiting room and knowing that everyone in there is in the same boat, just on different levels. We don't stare to judge, we watch because we want to know "what's yours like?". We all kind of get each other.

Since the day I found out about Hudson's clefts it has been my favorite topic. I researched and research and looked up pictures. I love talking about Hudson and his cleft lip and palate! And sometimes it makes it better when it's with someone who knows what it's like!

Oh it's been such a fun journey! Not easy, but fun and different. I worry that when he's older he look back at his baby pictures and hate them. But I could stare at them all day! And in 2 more weeks the pictures will be all I have of that precious little smile! How lucky are we to get a second "first smile"!

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