Time flies when your having fun

This guy is my most biggest accomplishment yet! He is the toughest little guy I know! And everything he has been through has not taken that smile off his face! He is now 4 whole months old today! I love that I get to hang out with him all day. He laughs and smiles so much I can't even stand it! He always makes my days enjoyable!

If I had thought the 3rd month brought changes I was wrong! THIS last month has made a huge difference! Even this last week!
-He is so mobile! He tosses and turns and rolls over. He loves to kick! When he gets excited or angry he'll kick faster.
-He is sooo ticklish I love it! And his laugh is the cutest thing I have ever heard in my entire LIFE! Definitely contagious!
-I started feeding him some baby food and he gets better at it everyday! It use to always come out his nose. And I have to take cover if I see a sneeze coming on! It can get pretty messy. But it's always fun! He loves his baby food though and he always opens his mouth for the next bite!
-Sleeping has improved a ton! On great nights he'll sleep 12 hours and just get up once around 4 to be fed. It's all about figuring out how HE likes to sleep. And for him it's with a blanket over his face. Serisouly! He turns into it and usually goes right to sleep.
-He's loving all his toys now and loves to put anything he gets a hold of straight to his mouth. He reaches out for anything that is in front of him.
-He is so vocal too! He'll talk to his toys which I love! And when he throws fits... He yells and yells and grunts and turns all red. It's pretty funny.
-And the slobber! It's out of control! Can't say I'm use to that yet. Oh but I love this kid so much its amazing!

I'm always so excited for the next step of his life but at the same time I know it's already going by so fast! I know I'll miss it once it's gone.

His well check isn't until next week so I don't have his stats yet dang it! I'm sure he's grown some. :) He's such a skinny little thing though. I hope he gets his dad's skinny genes! And I don't mean skinny jeans! Those are mine.

Well only 15 more days until surgery! I knew it would come up quick! It's so weird to me that his cleft lip will soon be taken over by a scar. I can't tell you how much I'm going to miss it. But I do look forward to a new little smile I know I'll fall in love with.

So he went for his first swim which he did very well with! He rocked a speedo and worked on his tan! He'll be ready for the beach babes in July.

We tried out is Johnny Jump Up. But he was more interested in chewing on it and his toys than jumping. I thought he would love it since he so good at standing when your holding him.

I gave him his first hair cut. Just a little trim to even out all those fly a ways! I love his hair! He always gets mats on the back of his head.

He has got the biggest smile I have ever seen! Maybe it's the gap that adds to it. ;)

Still getting use to his bumbo! He'll slide around in it.

Cutest thing ever! I love him so much!

I'm the Mom, that's why!

Mother's Day was a little more special for me this year.

This little boy has made me one proud mamma!! I already love who he is becoming.

Curtis kind of lucked out last year since we found I was pregnant 2 DAYS after mother's day. 

But none the less, he took care of me this year as he does with any special occasion. He made me my favorite breakfast which is pancakes and came through the door ringing the bell to this beauty...

Now I just need a basket and a seat for Hudson and I can pretend I'm cruising along the boardwalk of Santa Monica beach like we have done before...

I still can't believe I'm a mom! My days mean so much more to me now. I'm not constantly counting down the hours until lunch break or counting down the days until the weekend. As much as I hate getting up early I'd rather walk into my baby's room and see him smiling than walking into an office. I love hanging out with him all day! We have become best friends and I love that he knows who I am (and loves me the most)! I love my little family! And I love being the mom to my amazing little Hudson!

Q-Tips

27 Q-tips.
That's how many more days until Hudson's surgery.
And that's how many more times I have to put his mouth piece back in.

Everyday around 9 or 10 o'clock I take his NAM out (unless it falls out on it's own) to scrub and clean what's left of the goop that holds it in. If I take too long then he's probably sitting in his bouncy chair on the island whining and yelling to me behind my back. I only want to give him a break from it, but he wont have it. He doesn't like when it's out now. He's gotten use to the once foreign object we have had to put in his mouth for the past 8 weeks (has it really been that long?!). I try and calm him down with his pacifier while I hurry and dry that NAM thing, but he wont have that either. I don't know why I even try it every time. So he gets to cry while I squeeze some more denture, yes denture, adhesive onto the mouth piece, take a q-tip from my pile and spread it around like butter. But not before the tape goes on! No, the tape must be first because I'm not gonna try and thread it through the loop of the piece that goes up into his nose. I'm not trying that again while I have a boy kicking and crying and shaking his head side to side. The tape goes first. Crying or no cry it gets put on.
So the mouth piece gets put in next. If he's crying then it's easy. He doesn't gag when he cries and it breaks my heart to do that to him. His mouth is already open while crying so I slide it in real quick and press it up against the roof of his mouth and hold it for 30 seconds, which usually turns out to be more like 15. I can't take the cry of the poor little boy who thinks he's being tortured. I scramble for his pacifier and plop it in. He wimpers for a minute and then looks at me like "don't do that again".

After 58 days of the NAM it has become part of our daily routine. Just like the torture of tummy time and washing bottles which I almost hate doing more than dealing with the NAM. I'll be happy when it's gone and I can stare at my sweet baby's face without anything obscuring my view. No stranger will ever know he was born with a cleft lip. Which I also might miss...

So it is, my count down of q-tips begins. Only 27 more days my sweet baby boy. These are only the battles. The war has yet to be won.
May the odds ever be in your favor.

The Facts

Fact: 1 in 700 babies in the United States is born with a cleft lip and/or palate each year.

A cleft lip is one of the 4 most common birth defects in babies born in the U.S. The other 3 being heart defect, down syndrome, and spina bifida.

There are about 4 million babies born each year in the U.S.

If 4 million babies are born each year then that leaves about 5,714 babies born with a cleft lip. On average that's 15 cleft babies a day! On January 16th, 2012 MY baby was one of those 15.

Because Curtis and I have no history of clefts that left us with a 2-5% chance that our baby would be born with a cleft lip.

Hudson is no average baby.

The Date.

Friday June 1st, 2012

That's it! That's when it's all over. That's when we have to say goodbye to our favorite little smile...

I finally got the call from the surgeon's surgery coordinator to set up Hudson's surgery date! I've anxiously and impatiently been waiting 5 weeks for her to call me! The estimated date of surgery was getting very close and I just wanted to know WHEN exactly this would happen! Everyone knows the wait is half as bad when there is a certain date involved! 

So there it is, only a month away. It seems so real now... I can't believe my baby boy has to have surgery! I'm afraid I'll get him back looking totally different. I keep picturing in my mind how he might look after his lip is repaired. We have fallen so in love with his little face for the last 3 1/2 months and it makes me sad to see it go. His wide smile is my most favorite thing to see and I can't get enough of it!

I know he'll be a champ through the whole thing! Just like he has been since day one. I'm the only one you all need to worry about! I'm the one who doesn't know what their doing! I swear every time we have a rough feeding I feel like Hudson just wants to tell me "your doing it wrong!" I believe he knew what he was going to have to go through before he came to us. He came prepared and he's been teaching us all along the way! That's why he was a week late! He was getting some extra training. He was made to handle this! And I know he's ready for it! OH these sweet little spirits teach us so much! I know they are still so close to Heaven. I know he's going to been such a humble young man one day because of this! I love my special little boy Hudson!!

These are a few of my favorite things

I forgot to post our family pictures! We took them when Hud was only 6 weeks old. He was such a trooper for them! It was so early and so cold! The last ones taken he had to have his pacifier cause he was getting cranky. I'm just glad we didn't bring the bright green one with us that day!!

How I love the little family that we have become! Nothing is better!!

These were a few of my favorites...

Ch ch ch changes!

Another month down! And loving every minute of it! I can't believe how big Mr. Hud is! I love looking back at his newborn pictures and reminiscing of how tiny and new he was! He has been so much fun and so entertaining these last couple of weeks. He is just a goof ball! He is always so happy and always smiling! He talks and talk so much! I love it! And he loves to stand. It'll even calm him down sometimes. He's tired of laying down all the time! He wants to get up and go! He loves his mamma. He has started to cry when I set him down sometimes, and then I pick him up and he's fine! I don't know if I should like that or not. We are best friends.

He has changed so much in the last month. I almost feel like I'm finally getting the hang of this! He's a puzzle! The more pieces I put together the more I understand him. It's all trial and error. The whole sleep thing is getting easier too. It's not about putting him to sleep on MY time, it's putting him to sleep on HIS time. And when it lines up just right I lay him in his bed and BAM! he falls asleep all on his own!! I love it! Naps and all! I know we are a long way from sleeping through the night but it has improved a ton in the last month. Especially since I started feeding him the rice cereal, which he has been a champ about! Always finishes every last gulp! Our only issue is with his special nipples. They have a valve in the middle and with every chop on the nipple it allows more formula in. There is no sucking involved it's just by compression that he gets the formula. With the thickness of the formula and rice the valve gets clogged a lot! The little boy doesn't like when I have to take the bottle out of his mouth to clear the valve! He needs his food NOW! We'll figure something out...

I have been anxiously awaiting the call from the surgeon's surgery scheduler for the last 4 weeks. It's killing me! I just want to know the date already! I want to know when this whole NAM and taping thing will be over! I have so many mixed feelings about his surgery. I'm going to miss his wide little smiles. But at the same time it's always being covered by the NAM and the nape and the nasty denture goop that oozes out. I hate it, I hate it I tell ya! I already miss it... And then it will be over and there is no going back.

With his NAM I worry twice as much when it's in as oppose to when it's out. And it's only out for at the most 15 minutes. He has gotten so use to it that he hates when it's out, and he wont eat or take his pacifier. Funny how that totally flip flopped. So naturally it's going to be rough after his surgery and then add learning to eat with out his NAM again! Oh how I don't look forward to that time... It will be nice to not have to worry about that thing anymore but when that day comes his lip will be in one piece. :( And it's not that the NAM has been hard to deal with at all, it's the worry that it brings to me!

The improvements from the NAM have said it all though!! In just the first week his nostril opened up a ton!

Before

After

OH but we still have such a long road ahead of us.

Easter Sunday

Such a handsome little guy!

His new hangout.

OH I love this little boy sooo much! I can't stand it!!

In other news, we have started on our backyard! We WILL have grass this summer!