The Date.

Finally the date I have been trying to get for so long has made its self know.

March 1, 2013

At 10AM I'll have to, yet again, hand my sweet baby boy over to strangers who will all to fast disappear from my view. It's the hardest part of it all. Because then my mind gets creative and thoughts I'd rather not have in my head are suddenly there. He'll be almost 14 months old and what will he think of it then? My boy, who is the most curious and attentive person I know. What will he think of the bright sterilized room with shinny objects I know he would be dying to collect in his hands. I know he'll be mad when they try to put him to sleep. He'll pull his head away and try to grab the mask. Or will he be angry with the strangers and wonder where I am? Will he fight the whole time? Will he want his blanket by his side? Or will I use it to wipe away tears that slip out as my baby is out of my sight for 2 long hours? Can he just be little again? And not know what's going on and fall back asleep in the arms of the anesthesiologist as she walks away like before? 

The only thing I can find comfort in is that it's HIM. It's Hudson who will have this surgery, and because it's him, I know he'll amaze us all once more. Because he was made to do this. Nobody tells my boy how to do things. He knows. It's a strength not a weakness this cleft of his.

He's made me proud.

Now I sit here wondering why I fought so hard to get that date. I've suddenly realized that I'm going to miss that big gap in his mouth. And why? It's been his cleft palate that caused him to fight so hard to eat those first few weeks. It's the reason I never attempted to breast feed him. And the reason I spend so much on his special nipples he needs. And then the NAM... And the months and months of perfecting the spoon technique. Then learning how to eat real food... which I thought could never be done. And the many many times the food has come out his nose. After many gagging and choking sessions I almost gave up. But he didn't. He kept on trying and now he can eat almost anything. It's been his cleft palate that I've been most frustrated with. And now I'm going to miss it...

So I sit here and think why? It's because its made him different from every other baby I know. It's the two uvulas I'll no longer get to see when he laughs so hard. It's the silly noises he makes. It's my baby. It's who he is and that's all I've known. And so I'll miss it just like I miss his lips I first fell in love with that a scar now replaces.

I'll have a new scar to admire though. Another one that will reassure me how strong my little man is. Another one to show just how far he's come and all that he has accomplished.

So now we have a month to prepare for bigger changes. A new anatomy. New eating habits and new noises to make. Learning how to suck and say new words. Will he sound different? Laugh and cry different? Will I recognize his new voice?

This date has come at the right time though despite my efforts to have had it over with sooner. We are financially prepared for it now, would it have been 2-3 months earlier I wouldn't be able to same the same. We were lucky enough to get it on a Friday and at Cardon Children's Hospital as oppose to Phoenix Children's Hospital. Curtis only has to take one day off of work now. And it still leaves me enough time to take care of Huddy before the new baby comes. We're ready for this!

Piece of cake.

To the fans...

To all of Hudson's fans out there...

Thank you!!!

Thank you for helping us reach our donation goal and some!! We enjoyed watching the amount rise these past few weeks. It truly and honestly means so much to us. Who knows where the money is off to now... and if I could I wish I could personally hand it to the families that will be receiving the cleft surgery they need. If I can help someone else's cleft journey be a little more easy then I'm there! What means so much more to us though is that you've had our backs. You've showed us in more ways than one that you care for our sweet boy Hudson. And that means the world to us. We have been so incredibly blessed through this journey. And it makes me just that much more brave to battle these next few years.

Hudson's donation page will still be left up if there are any stragglers. Happy donating!

To donate or view his page...
{ More Than A Smile }

A wee little miss!

We are proud to announce that our second child will be a

GIRL!!

We were both hoping it was a girl. I knew she was of course. Just like I knew Hudson was going to be a boy! Took me longer to figure it out though. And according to the ultrasound tech there was no apparent cleft lip. BUT, I just wont believe it until I can see that sweet face in person! I feel like it will be a whole new world to us to have a baby with no clefts AND a girl! Phew! I look forward to less drives to Phoenix and less surgeries to stress over. And hopefully I'll get the chance to nurse her. As much as I love little cleft lip babies it's a relief, I wont lie.

SO! Let the fun begin!! I am so excited to decorate another room and shop for girly things! And if she ends up with as much hair as Hudson has I'll be one happy mamma! So bring on the ribbons and bows! I feel like I'm in the safe zone now that I have a boy and a girl. I wont have to keep hoping for one or the other!

I am now 20 weeks pregnant! Half way! Whoohoo! This pregnancy has gone so fast! And my morning sickness didn't last as long as it did with Hudson. It's great. Although she must be preparing me for when she's here... I know I just can't have 2 perfect babies! And Hudson has been so nice and cuddly lately I hope it can last another 5 months! He's so nice to his stuffed animals. He hugs and kisses them and "oooh's" and "awww's" at them. And he loves to come up and give me hugs and pat me on the back. Now if we can just transfer that over to the new baby... I feel like he'll be a great big brother. He's very smart and learns fast.

That's one thing keep forgetting about though... is that I'll already have another baby. I wont be able to just snuggle all day with this little miss like I got to with Hudson. What happens when they both need me at the same time? But I've heard from many people that 2 kids is easy to transition into. It's 3 you have to worry about. SO, lets hope that is true!

I still can't believe I'll have another little baby to call my own! I'm so excited to do it all over again! Ok maybe just some things...

Huddy Buddy

This boy. He stole our hearts a year ago this day. Little did we know how much we could really love him until he was there, in our arms. He has made our existence that much more meaningful. We don't just have ourselves to make it through this life righteously anymore, we now have a little spirit who depends on us to show him the right way. Not only to teach him life lessons but to make sure he knows he has Heavenly parents and a savior who love him. To plant a testimony in his heart that he can learn to grow himself. It is our responsibility to raise this boy into a righteous young man who will be proud to serve the Lord.

Hudson is not the only one who is being taught though. He has been our teacher, in return, in so many ways! We have learned to love more, to work together, and to be less selfish. We have gained more patience as we watched him struggle to eat during nights I thought would never end and days where we stack the DVDs back on the shelf for the 4th time. He's taught us we can handle what ever comes our way when we have family and friends by our side! He's taught us that smiles, laughter, and hugs are indeed the best medicine. He's taught us how important eternal families are, because when you've got someone as special as Hudson, you just don't want to lose him.

Hudson has brought so much good into our home in just one short year. We've faced our fears as we became parents this day a year ago knowing it would take a little extra to care for Hudson. He's something else...

We are all still smiling today so we must have done something right! I don't think anyone could really understand the meaning of "being proud" until you have a child. And Hudson is my definition of proud. He's the best part of us all put together and made into one amazingly smart, tough, and handsome little boy! And a little bit of goof thrown in...

This boy is a walkin' fool now! He loves his playroom with a million extra toys he doesn't need but somehow he gets to them all in one day! He loves to push buttons, especially the ones that make music in return and occasionally he'll do a little jig. I don't tell him when he's hungry he tells me! He'll grab my hand and lead me over to the corner of the kitchen where I prepare his bottles. This kid's stomach is bigger than my eyes! His favorite foods as of late are scrambled cheesy eggs, PB&J sandwiches, hotdogs with ketchup, any kind of crackers, and of course his bottles. When something is "all gone" he puts his hands up and does the gesture for "all gone". And when he's getting into something he shouldn't and you tell him "no no no" he'll shake his finger back at you as if he were saying "no no no" himself. But don't let that sweet face fool ya! He'll hold up his fists and scrunch his face and show you how strong he is!

Hudson LOVES to be chased. And he'll let you know when he wants to too! He'll squeal and take off ready for you to start chasing him. He'll run around the kitchen island or all over the living room from me. He is so much fun to be around and never ceases to make me smile with all the goofy things he comes up with! He's definitely a boy!

He also got his first real hair cut a couple of weeks ago and it makes him look sooo grown up now! Dang good lookin' too! I figured since he was going to be one it was time for a big boy hair cut but I really miss his long hair though!

Oh what fun it has been this last year!! I can't even believe it! We are so lucky to have been sent THIS little boy. He's been one amazing kid and has inspired us to our fullest in just one year! I can't wait to see what a life time has in store for him!

From then until now...

Happy Birthday Huddy Buddy!!! We love you to death and beyond!!

More than a smile

My baby will be ONE in one week!

I've been thinking back a year ago when we were awaiting his grand arrival. The days lasted forever and the nights were even worse! The not knowing when killed me itself! And here we are one speedy quick year later! I think about Hudson's birth day often and even read over his birth story many times. It's such a special day! And I would relive it over and over again if I could. I miss my tiny new baby...

I started thinking about Hudson's first birthday when he was 7 months old. Since then I have wanted to do a fundraiser to honor him and couldn't think of a better time to do it other than his first birthday! Since the day we found out about Hudson's cleft on the 3D ultrasound everything about clefts have been my most favorite subject! Hudson has consumed our lives since day one and along with him his cleft business also. We think highly of Hudson and all that he has been through in his first year of life and what lies ahead for him. So we chose to honor him with a fundraiser to raise money to fund as many cleft surgeries as we can to children around the world who are not as lucky as we have been. It's something special to us and close to our hearts as we have seen first hand the effects of a cleft lip and palate. One day I wish to go with the team of surgeons to the foreign countries and wait with the mothers as they wait for their own child during surgery. How grateful they must be to finally get the care their child needs! 

So we've set up a personal page in honor of Hudson through Operation Smile for anyone to make donations. We are not asking for gifts for Hudson on his birthday but only for you to donate that money to Hudson's page. We have been blessed to have you all in our lives and be able to share Hudson with!

Donate Here

If you wish to donate please click on the "donate here" link which will bring you to Hudson's page where you can donate. Thank you!

An X-Man

Perspective is the difference between a bad or good day.
Is the glass half full or half empty?
A totaled car or a life spared?
A birth defect or a healthy child?
Regrets or blessings?

I can't help but keep thinking about what Curtis said to me yesterday when I told him Hudson had to get a genetics test done. It's made me realize how important your perspective on life really is. It's the little things. The genetics test is a test I never really cared for. But since we have new insurance and since Hudson has a separate one for his cleft business they are requiring him to have it done for their files. To us it doesn't matter "where" his cleft came from. We know he was sent to us from our Heavenly Father and we know He doesn't make mistakes. That's all we needed to know.

Because of our perspective through this journey we have been able to kept a positive and a good attitude. And I'm thankful I'm doing this with a husband who has seen eye to eye with me through it all. We have both never made a big deal it. We've had no regrets. We've never been sad that Hudson was born with a cleft. I've never blamed any of Hudson's or our trials on his cleft. Yes, it's been hard and exhausting at times but this is our lot in life. We know we are doing the best with what we have been given. There is no need for a pity party for ourselves because our baby was born different. This is where I rejoice! This is OUR baby and yes he IS different! And we love it! Even if more obstacles follow! Sometimes I even feel like I'm bragging about his cleft! This is our attitude! Our perspective through this journey has lightened our load. This is why Curtis can reply to me with,

"A mutant! They are going to find out he is an X-Man! He is going to have powers!"

We can joke and make light of a situation that may have an upsetting outcome. We have chosen not to focus on the negatives of raising a cleft affected baby. He is something to be proud of! I'm thankful for a little scar that now replaces a smile I'll never forget. It's that scar that reminds me of how amazing and special our Hudson really is!

"The trick is to enjoy life. Don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones ahead."

-Marjorie Pay Hinckley